Finding your true self is a life long journey

And that's okay... It gets better over time anyway ;-)

The last weeks I have been thinking about the concept of finding and sharing your voice and why it is so important. But also why it is so difficult at times. Because when you start to find your own truth (instead of following everybody else’s) you will get judged, but even more you will meet yourself and all your judgements and assumptions and at times you will feel more vulnerable than ever before. To give you a bit of background, I will share part of my journey to speaking my truth with you and what it did to me.  

Where did my journey begin? 

In January 2009 I decided to drastically change some things in my life. It wasn’t really a new year’s resolution, but at the beginning of that year I decided I would focus on living a healthier lifestyle. I focused on mainly eating fruits and vegetables. I started to go to the gym a couple of times per week and started attending yoga classes. And even though it might have been the combination of things, the perspective my yoga teacher shared in her classes really changed my way of thinking.  

I already knew there was more to life than how I was living it at that moment. But I was scared to go back to being an entrepreneur again. It had cost me so much the first time around, that I was afraid to make the same mistakes again. But I wasn’t happy with my life either. My love life was like a soap opera, my work life was annoying and the house I lived in didn’t feel right anymore.  

So, when I steered my bike in the direction of my broker and told her that I wanted to sell my house, I felt I made my first big intuitive decision. It was the first step to a life without bonds to anything. I decided I wanted to travel for a while to discover who I truly am, what I desired and how life would be if I let go of everything I knew.  

I wanted to find my voice again  

I wanted to feel like the powerful woman I was when I started my first company. But because it had all gone awry, I felt like I couldn’t be her anymore. Luckily traveling opened up something in me. I really felt that this was my path, living in Italy, cooking, learning a language, falling in love. It all clicked, until… 

I took a rational decision that changed the course of my life and not really for the better… So, after a year I felt more lost than ever. How did it happen that instead of finding my way, I lost it again?  

The main reason? I followed the way my partner at that time wanted to go. He was working in tourism, so I thought that would be a good solution for me too. But it wasn’t. Even though I constantly lived in areas where people love to go on holiday, I felt disconnected from my true self. At the same time, I felt trapped in that lifestyle. Long story short, it took me 4 years before I decided to take another leap of faith. I went to India on my own for a yoga teacher training. 

What is my voice?  

In India things began to fall into place, I knew that I couldn’t go back to my old life anymore, but what was my way? How could I thrive in my life? I made a lot of U-turns along the way, but I decided to listen to my inner voice more and more ànd trust her. I decided to let her guide my way.  

That hasn’t always been an easy road, but I still believe that this is the only way for me.  

And I never shied away from sharing what I was going through, the visions I had and my personal truth. I truly believe that we all need to be able to share our stories. Even the ones we are ashamed of. Because shame makes us feel small and unworthy. But we are all worthy of walking this beautiful earth. All our truths and stories are necessary, because without them we won’t understand what we are going through.  

Being untamed means sharing your wild wisdom. It means listening deep within and finding people to share your story with. People with whom you feel safe to do so. Because only when you feel safe, it is okay to share the stories you are ashamed of.  

15 years later 

Last weekend I hosted a women’s circle, a moment of reflection for me and the 8 other ladies that attended. As we sat down in the beautiful garden of Casa Lucia, I felt my energy expanding. I felt like I was on top of the world. And that was an amazing feeling. During the session I started following a ritual from a guidebook, but in a couple of minutes I was ready to make it my own. And it was amazing. Listening to myself and seeing the women responding to that has never felt so good. I felt ready, I felt seen, I felt understood.  

Unfortunately, that feeling didn’t last long. In the days following the ritual I was experiencing a lot of pain and discomfort. I tried to see it as part of what I am doing now. A way of healing ancestral wounds and healing the pain of my ancestors. That is not an easy road, but it is part of my life as and untamed woman. I have to go through this and feel it all, in order to grow. 

This year is not an easy year for me. But it again brings me so much closer to myself. And I can finally see where I can change the things in a way that suit me even better than the life I was living until now.  

With every breath I take I evolve a bit more. It takes time and sometimes the experiences are dark and uneasy. But in the end, being free to choose what I want to do, in a way that I want to do it, is priceless.  

I am really curious how you walk your path, what your aim in life is and how you connect to your true essence on a daily basis. And if you have any questions that I might be able to answer in one of my blogs.  

Wishing you a lovely weekend!  

Love, Irene

Thank you for reading my posts. With the Untamed Woman I create a space for truthful conversations, about life, about walking your own path, about being vulnerable and making mistakes. It is a place for women who are willing to share their true stories and listen to each other. So feel welcome to join the conversation by reacting in the comments or become a paid member, which will give you access to a beautiful group of women who dare to share.