Last night I was watching a TVshow on Netflix. I wanted to not think for a while and I thought my brain would calm down by watching some easy going show. But instead I started to write about one of the scenes in the show, that clearly connected to something that had been on my mind all week.
Please come in, hurry
The scene is from the series One Day (based on the book by David Nicholls). Dexter and Emma (who are ‘just friends’) are on holiday in Greece and the main male character decides to go swimming naked in the night. As Dexter takes of his clothes and runs into the water he asks Emma to join him. She hesitates, thinks about it, ponders about it a bit longer and finally takes off all her clothes and rushes in the water, scared to be seen.
Pure ecstacy
I know this feeling, the first time I was asked to swim naked in the sea at midnight I declined, I did not want to be seen naked (and definitely did not want to see the people I was with naked). Nudity had not been a normal thing in my youth, so when I was asked to take off all my clothes and get in the sea I just couldn't understand it. It didn’t occur to me that being naked in the sea could be something extremely ecstatic.
Feeling safe
While watching the tv show and seeing the fear on Emma’s face, I had to think about a video a friend shared with me the other day. It was about the idea that men almost always feel safe in the world and women do not. Most women have experiences in the last month that they didn’t feel safe to be in this world. Men do not. Men feel fearless almost all of the time, because they feel powerful. And most of them do not have any idea that living in this world is different for women. Women most of the time feel powerless, as was stated by Teal Swan in the video.
Feeling fear
I am not sure if women always feel powerless, but I do connect with feeling fearful. And yes I feel it often. But in the video it is said that women do not even recognise that they feel fear. Because it has become a normal state of being. For me to take off my clothes for example, I need to feel safe. Knowing that I won’t be harmed. Because a lot of times I have felt unsafe of being a woman is because men gave me the feeling of unsafety.
Swimming naked
So even though I love the feeling of swimming naked in the sea nowadays, I don’t tend to do it when I’m alone. I do it when I feel safe knowing my partner is there to hold the space for me or when I am on a crowded nude beach (because there it is normal and no one seems to be even thinking about harming the other). But when I’m alone, I feel seen and I feel that there is always a chance that men can harm me.
Life is not the same for men and women
Men think that life is just as easy for women as it is for them. But it is not. And as women we have decided we want to be equal to men and therefore we want to do the same things as they do. But I think we should see our differences and make them a priority. Some things are for men to do and other things for women, we are not equal and we shouldn’t strive to be equal. Men and women have different qualities and we can lift each other up when we both do what we do best.
Women are powerfull too
Women are not powerless. Like men we have our own strengths. And to be honest, men love us more when we live according to them. A men feels unhappy if he can’t carry your bag, open the door for you or fix your car. Even if you think that you should do this yourself, be happy with the help (and yes I have to be reminded of this every now and then myself too). He probably loves you more when you do the things you are good at. Because doing so it gives them the chance to do the things they are good at too. And isn’t it the best feeling to have a men hold the door for you?
A scary world?
For me this video about fear opened up something for me that I hadn’t realised before. Sometimes it can be extremely scary to live in this world. But the more I live according to who I truly am, I feel safer and more free. Men and women both have a place in this world, but these days not every woman feels safe in this male related society. So if we are able to see our differences and live according to them, we can make the world such a beautiful place.
So for the men reading this, the next time you invite a woman to jump in the water with you naked, please make sure she feels safe. Hold her hand, run in the water together, but don’t run away and ask her to join you.
And women, when you feel unseen in your fear, try to give words to it, so the other person can give you what you truly need.
So what if you are connecting to the true version of yourself, what would you different in relation to the other gender?
Thank you for sharing, good article and helps us men understand how women feel and think, and why. Yes, you are right, normal men love women to be women, and to feel like they can help them, and in turn we also like being taken care of as only a wonderful woman can do. It can be a thing of real beauty.